I don't know what to think anymore...
Yesterday, it has been deep into the night, but I was still awake. I have been tossing and turning for several hours in my shabby motel room bed, being sleepless. Unable to slow my heart beat, I closed her eyes and immediately I was back to that afternoon, standing in the middle of the street infront of the TT, close to Ezio, marvelling at his face, those beautiful eyes behind the glasses. Back at the MasterBatesInn, my cellphone was lying on a pillow beside my head, so I couldn't miss the call I was longing for, hear his wonderful voice witht he Italian accent I like so much. Out on a date with Ezio? Yeah that sounds heavenly. Still there are questions... I am not able to decide on how to act. Did that kiss mean something to him? There is a good chance that I am going to lose my heart to Ezio, if it has not already been lost. So it seems only natural that I try to be careful about letting him in too close. I don't want to end up hurt again. At the moment though all I can think of was that strong and young Italian man named Ezio and how he had stood close to me and kissed me. His lips had been so soft and there has been no animalistic violence behind the kiss: it had been tender, intimate even... I want more! It was no crude physical attraction only, it went far beyond that, at least for me. After all I am still pretty childish and naive in these matters. The lack of experience and my virginity making me really insecure. Desperate, I burried my face into the pillow, sighing, forcing myself to rest, but I couldn't. 'Ezio' his name was ringing in my ears, his handsome face haunting me. I finally fell into a deep sleep and started to dream. In my dream it was midnight and the town was unusually quiet. I stood infront of Lou's and I was once again pretty drunk. Staggering over to sit on a bench and calming my spinning head I suddenly was aware of someone staring at me. I could see a tall figure standing in the shadows and in a bad articulated way I asked over and over again 'Who is there?' I felt the panic caused by the shadow well up inside me. So I stood, leaping into it's direction but I fell down, leaving scratches all over my knees and palms. And in an instant the black figure was crouched over my small frame and I screamed a high-pitched scream, Only slowly, due to the influence of the alcohol, I began realizing that the man, the black figure, was Ezio. The kind Italian reached out to help me up, just like he had back at the diner some days earlier. Even in my dream my face burned reddish, but this time something was different. I was not ashamed of my 'fall' but of the fact that I was really drunk. Drowning myself in embarassment I woke again breathing heavily. Sitting up, I stared into the dark room, realizing that my problem had become more serious. I have to fight that fucking addiction before Ezio could find out. I am sure that he wouldn't approve of that and I don't want to disappoint him.
The same day, later in the afternoon I finally got the call I was waiting for and he took me out for some coffee and hot chocolate. It was wonderful and it seems that we like each other more than we gave us credit for. We ended up at my room...
No worries it was not what one could think of it. He was very tired and we fell asleep in eachothers arms. A new feeling for me. I am dying to see how this is going to work out.
((written in a careful and curly handwriting, that seems to use some time to be so neat))
